"Oh, I just love the first day of school. Don't you?" "It's the biggest thrill of my life."

Today is probably the 23 first day of school I have experienced in my life. It may even be the 24th or 25th if you want to count nursery/preschool. That is a scary number- almost the whole of my life can be counted in first days of school. While that number alone is scary, what is even worse is that I still get nervous when I have to walk into that classroom on the first day. I am instantly whisked back to standing at the bus stop as a first grader telling my grandmother that I have butterflies in my stomach, holding my new backpack and lunchbox, hoping that the other kids in my class like me. Why does that feeling never go away?

I must admit that I do love the preparation for the first day of school! I love going to the store and picking out my new notebooks and choosing which kind of pens to buy (I only use one kind, so I don't know why I bother to look anymore). I can remember standing in the office supply store with my mom as a kid, looking up at all the different kinds of scissors and glue and trying to decide if 64 crayons would be enough or if we needed to buy the ultra huge box with the 6 new colors. I remember how exciting it would be when the teacher would hand out the list of supplies you would need for the coming year, and she would talk so excitedly about all the fun and interesting things we would learn in her class. Maybe, it wasn't the first day of school I was afraid of all of those years, it was all of the work that came after that first, exciting day....

I got up way too early today to make sure I would be ready on time. I don't even have my own class today, I have to go to the class I am a teaching assistant for. I realized this morning while in the shower at 6.15 am, that I had no idea how good I had it as an undergraduate. You went to class on the first day and any other day you chose to go and all you had to do was sit there and write stuff down. Ok, occasionally you had to take some lame-o multiple choice test, but that was really it. As an undergraduate, I couldn't wait to be a graduate student. I wanted the glamorous life of knowing what you were talking about in front of other smart people (I'm still waiting for this to happen by the way) and having an office stacked high with books. I wanted to be the one handing out the syllabus not passing it along to the next person in the row. Wow- I was naive. Being a TA or actually teaching a class is so much more work than actually taking the class, and it means you have something more to be nervous about on the first day of school. Now I have butterflies, I don't have a new lunch box or backpack (thought I did buy myself a new first day of school outfit), and I'm even more worried that the other kids won't like me because that means our class is going to be shitty! Damn- I would give anything to be standing at that street corner bus stop again with my Grandma or in that office supply store with my Mom.

*The title is a quote from Grease- I have no permission to use it but am going to do so anyway*